Thou Shall Not Leave Indonesia by Tom Plum

Contributor: Tom Plum| Jakarta | September 2008

Another immigration to pass, another story to tell. I left Jakarta’s Kelapa Gading around 6am, a beautiful hour to spin on the highway. A less beautiful hour after 3 days Bintang (read as verb). I thought I had enough money to spend for the taxi and airport tax. And most probably I would still have enough left to enjoy a delicious indo mochacino in the airport. Though… I didn’t see near future coming. I waited at the counter to receive the stamp on my passport and the officer looked a bit dubious at me, followed by a: “Mister, you overstayed.” Shrruugg. No, can’t be, I counted the days, I thought I stayed exactly 60 days. “Mister, the computer don’t lie”. After going through all days one by one together I forfeited. He was right, that computer..and that officer. I stayed 62 days instead of 60. Big Oops! But no worries, it’s just a fine you need to pay…Another ATM (moneymachine) to milk. Ok, off I went, searching for my Meastro sign. There were a few…First one no worky. Second one no worky…Third one NO WORKY! Shit! Not enough time to go out of the airport, coz boarding time was nearby! I went back to the immigration officer. “Sir, the ATM isn’t working. Normally it does, but today it seems down. No communication with my bank.” “hahaha” in chorus. They (yes, few more officers joined) almost started to sing a song…”The ATM is not working lalala, lalala” You can’t go out sir. You must pay the fine. Fuck, i’m fucked…And more of those charming words I thought. “But..but sir, the ATM is really not working! Come and join me.” They showed me another one, which had maestro and mastercard (which also works for my card). From a distance they kept an eye on me, how I was getting completely hopeless. I saw myself driving back with a taxi, which I couldn’t pay, and say hi to my friends again. “Hello, I didn’t made it. I couldn’t pay them 50 dollar.” What a joke…no no no. I even started trying all other ATM’s. Funny sight that must have been. OMG, that guy must be loaded, he’s milking all ATM’s. Let’s rob him! I wish… I went back to them and said: “OK, I have tried them all, I need to go, is there any other way to get money? Maybe someone from the airport can give me a sum and I pay back from Kuala Lumpur airport.” Sure. “The ATM is not working lalalala…lalala…You can’t go sir.” I lost it (time pressure) and I started to bother passengers waiting in line for immigration. “Sir, could you give me 50 dollars or 400.000 rupia? I have a problem. I can pay you back in Kuala Lumpur”. How many would do that? 1 dollar ok, but 50… I found a guy however who gave me 100.000 rupiah. With this I went back to my officers. “Satu ratus!”…waahahaha Nonono, not enough. empat ratus!” They called me inside the office. Boarding started already. “Sir, what do you have, other then money? Any valuables? Mobile maybe” I had to laugh, my mobile isn’t even worth 20 dollar, but then again, can’t miss it for anything. No way. Then I did something smart it seemed. “Here, I give you my guitar Sir. Make your son happy, sell it, but I need to go. I think this is enough for the fine” “But sir, you give your guitar? That’s music, is your life, to valuable!” (I was laughing inside, this piece of crap wood wouldn’t even sell anymore to a retarded monkey, and I’m not that attached to it) “Yes sir, that’s how much I’m serious. I’m not joking about ATM, I need to go, you can have the guitar.” 2 mins silence. He let me follow him…back towards the counter…With my guitar! HE STAMPED. No fine! I’m out. Wooohoo! Another moviemoment. Airasia plane for the second time fully boarded and this bloke running second time towards it. Last passenger boarded. With guitar. Ready for take off, captain!. The two countries that I love the most were the two craziest exits. That’s how they let me never forget them. I do like it. Now, when typing this. I feel they want me back. Another story to tell.

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